WHAT A PIECE OF JUNK! Let’s rip apart this franken-story down to its Corelian parts. Join us as we review JJ Abrams “epic” finale to the Skywalker saga in our SPOILER review of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker!

Spoiler Reviews
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Transcript

hey guys welcome back movie path the dot
side of fandom is a pathway to many
abilities some consider to be an
attorney oh my god I’m a dead speak the
Emperor’s here guys alright let’s see if
we can manage talking about our spoiler
free spoiler not spoiler free this is
totally a spoiler review we’ve got the
Emperor here for God’s sake review of
Star Wars our spoiler review for Star
Wars the rise of Skywalker
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inside
the Hermetic logic of the plot is as
impeccable as it is ridiculous it’s a
drama crafted with robotic insularity
for the consumption of viewers being
rendered robotic at each moment of the
soulless lee uniform spectacle oh man
that’s coming from The New Yorker guys
and still we are looking at Rotten
Tomatoes the current score is 55% by
critics and critics you got it right and
audiences at 86% that Lawrence my Mary
percent because the Star Wars fans has
to be yeah if you take off like 30% on
that score you have about what that
movie is worth I mean there’s no heart
there’s no story to this movie like it’s
all just like a retcon of last Jedi it’s
not my saying that movie is awful but
well dive deep out of this message
saying like this movie was okay it
wasn’t that it’s not an 80 percenter I’m
sorry no definitely not
and I like what you said it wasn’t that
it was awful and let’s just start off
right there because I find it very
interesting and I I had this thought
last night because I saw it again
in the best possible theatre the best
possible format you could possibly
imagine guys imax 70 millimeter digital
laser projection and AMC City walk in
Universal City so I had a I should have
had my balls blown off I should have
been you know pushed against the wall
from just the sonic and visual
awesomeness
that is the concluding chapter of the
saga and still still I’m like this movie
sucks and it’s done even this I’m way to
and passionate at this moment I’m
watching this film for a second time and
this is going to be a second time review
plus a spoiler review now that we have
the wonderful sexy Lawrence here but
unlike with the last Jedi where I was
enraged from the beginning
intermittently throughout the the film
with this film I felt nothing I wasn’t
pissed off I wasn’t amused or amazed I
was just neutral I was like okay
here’s a plot beat either expected or
didn’t expect you stole the storyline to
begin in on the movie end and I’m like
where’s the story what’s happened I you
know I just I didn’t get it what’s going
on uh understand it was I I don’t it’s
it’s it’s such a complex issue the
tackle I need to make this as clear as
possible the story for this trilogy is
literally there are there are two
there’s kylo Ren and Rey they get some
friends along the way they have some
struggles similar to the original series
like he has basically the Darth Vader
struggles and then he kind of just
follows the same footsteps as Darth
Vader and that that is the plot of the
movie Palpatine is still around
yeah they fly around doing fetch quests
all three movies around the the galaxy
is yeah a MacGuffin really see anything
about the people that are living in this
galaxy we we don’t hear any story about
like the cities’ or anything like that
it’s just them the entire entire trilogy
there’s like no heart and soul to this
there’s just some people fight and
that’s that’s the series like cool guys
great story cool story bro you guys you
see clearly I’m wearing a Star Wars
shirt this is one of my most this is one
of my most like valued t-shirts that has
one of the best memories of my life
watching the screening of Star Wars with
a very special someone
this shirt means a lot to me it holds
emotional resonance it ties into my love
for the series so I’m not a hater and
more comes of Star Wars guys not at all
but I’m calling it for what it is and we
love we know from my spoiler if you
review how I feel Lawrence we know how
you feel if you don’t if you want to
elaborate on this before we start to the
Star Wars movie to the rise of Skywalker
as well Wow but hey you know like I said
I have a poster up here Star Wars I’m a
huge fan these are these are like my
favorite movies you know these are my
old timer so sucks
barely sucks
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this is it’s a I want to let you talk
more because I’ve had my spoiler free
review on this Lawrence if you want to
cover some of the pros firstly so I
think the action scenes are very good
although I feel like the action needs to
be supplemented by good story I feel
like the scenes that are in the movie
like the lightsaber battles and all
stuff is good some scenes are good the
overall story the reason we go to the
movies is for the story is not there
it’s not present it is not exciting did
not engage me but another thing it’s
hard to say is I feel like Rey in the
end and kylo are good characters but
they are the only good characters they
are not supplemented by good characters
I feel like one of the things that
really makes Luke and Han Solo stand out
is the supported characters around them
they have c-3po r2d2 they have you know
Leia
they have evilly Ewoks the every every
character has like just so much life in
the original series here it’s like I
don’t give a fuck what happens to Poe
and and and Finn and they’re not they’re
not interesting like that’s the problem
I don’t throwing out like pros and cons
but I feel like every pro in this movie
has a con that connects to it as well
that is the problem oh my god
yes I’m so glad you said that because I
was about the piggyback on that so if
you want to take it away go ahead and I
mean that’s that’s the majority of my
issues with the phone mm-hmm all right
so to save time here I’m gonna yeah just
go based off what you said some of the
pros also ironically tie into the cons
namely the action in the CGI it’s all
fantastic it’s all well executed so
that’s a good pro but then similarly
it’s also a con because the action and
the CGI is just so bombastic and just so
like fills up the screen with you so
many things happening here you’re like I
literally came to watch like a CGI you
know I’m yeah I’m being bombarded with a
bunch of crap that has no emotional ties
to the narrative I don’t care about what
I’m seeing on screen and even if I did I
don’t think it’s humanly possible for me
to make out what the hell’s there
on at any one given time I have new
geography of any of the battles I have
no geography of Winnie where any person
is situated I’m just I’m I’m emotionally
detached I’m visually detached
I’m just being fed us Oh in the movies
and I hate to nitpick I don’t usually do
this but this movie like begs for it
like the scene where Finn is like oh
they’re taking down the array and then
he looks at the ship and he’s like how
do you know what’s on there I just know
how the fuck does he just know can you
tell us something tell us why and then
Finn when he’s getting something to this
he is it the force what’s your kind of
alluding I’m alluding to is it a force
is it kind of eluding him like died in
that you can tell us why he’s able to do
that like there’s it’s not hard I
literally turned him oh no but he has to
be sunken on and he has to be sunken
underneath you know like a sand oh god
what’s it called yeah quicksand before
he has to tell the fact that he either
loves Rey or has a force ability because
it certainly can’t be the fact that he
does not because it’s be like why don’t
you don’t seem they never tell you what
what he was gonna say why open-ended
Blake small pot points he was the
fucking answer that’s a story for
another time as maz kanata sad movie
fucking movie apparently like what the
hell dude what he won’t get to you
because well either fire the directors
or just scrap the project obligations to
me I’m like what is happening at least
like I was thinking in the movie they
could be like Finn can just like hear
raised voice in his head and he’s like
how can I do that and then it would make
sense it oh you maybe he’s for sensitive
or something and they have this special
connection and it’s just like a
two-second scene how hard is it to do
that okay I’m not I’m not I don’t know
be able to think of resolutions for
these scenes on the spot okay it’s all
I’m saying like it’s not hard you watch
your own movie you’re like okay this
looks like shit maybe we should change
it that’s a rant over no worries no
worries well let me uh fuel or fan the
flames of Durant and let’s move on to
I’m gonna let you take this over before
we close move on to our cons for the
film followed by your general
Injection okay so Mekons obviously the
main story of all three movies plus this
one well let’s just say all three movies
the overarching story was not very
interesting or exciting it was not a
huge fan also yeah the this story for
this one convoluted that’s why this one
was actually good but not it wasn’t good
because like it was a good story it
could have been a good story but the
bait spent so much time course
correcting the last Jedi then it took it
down is the problem so you have this as
you’re left with this story that is like
it kind of good but not really good
because it wasn’t fully fleshed out and
so it’s just awful really at the end of
the day it’s like what the fuck man so
yeah that’s that’s pretty much it right
so let me just review story overarching
story suck this movie story did too much
course correcting a lot of characters
you don’t really care about
unfortunately I mean honestly Chewie is
the only territory really he was
interested even even Lando is like why
is he here
oh I’m just happy to be at this party in
the middle of nowhere you guys just
follow me
yeah that’s pretty much it characters
forget a pretty face
yeah right there with you it’s
unfortunate very forgettable and not
because JJ didn’t set us up with some
very fantastic characters and some very
interesting I felt like plot elements
from the force awakens but yeah
obviously there was no through line in
terms of where the resolution would be
so it was convoluted it was a mess there
was ultimately no point we know
Palpatine was not supposed to be in this
final chapter in McDermott himself admit
that so what the hell is the point what
was the story why did I watch this it
didn’t feel authentic it didn’t feel
natural it felt forced a disappointing
conclusion that I want to touch upon one
point we mentioned and the weekly
weekender our most recent broadcast
today the 28th of November where you
said you preferred this film over last
Jedi where in fact I hated last Jedi but
I much prefer it over this film because
at least despite my disagreement with
where Rian Johnson took it
at least it was original at least as
coherent he had a vision he had a
narrative I didn’t agree with it but it
made sense and I prefer that film over
this one so with that I’m gonna have to
say again two point five out of five
bags of popcorn that’s a 50% this is a
stinker in my opinion or it’s not a
stinker I think below two point get a
stinker but still damn you’re close to
stinking like that I think I have to
give it a three because I take it
slightly above last Jedi the reason I
give it a three I think is because it
did tie up a lot of storylines I think
one of the things that I enjoyed like I
liked about it like we actually found
out hooray was I was worried that I’m
trying to leave that isn’t your actually
nobody ha good joke and they didn’t they
at least told you and was I feel like
the plot was resolved even though I was
not very good
the plot was and actually resolved and
it made it I understood why you know
they actually tied up why Snoke who
Snoke was and and who you know a
Palpatine and how he’s involved and all
that stuff I mean it did tie up the
story
thanks very stupid I agree the time
though but it was very loosely not
horrible but you know what though I I
don’t think that we are mistake loewen’s
and EJ I believe it is you who is
mistaken about a great many things
Wow
geez are Palpatine thank you so much for
interrupting us once more you know it
Lawrence I think we just have to cut
this clean man
give me your score and let’s just close
this bad boy out before Palpatine this
is three bags of popcorn on me and I’m
sorry if he comes back and he gets to
strike me down but that’s that’s what I
gotta get it alright guys well hey you
had it from us both here and we are not
mistaken now reviews 2.5 for myself
three bags of popcorn for Lawrence out
of five the rise of Skywalker
it’s a certified suck bag but hey listen
we want to hear more from you make sure
to stick around till the end of this
video because well we’ve got a review
coming up for uncut gems my spoiler free
review and
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if you think in this video is learnt man
well yeah you know what why don’t you
just close it out you know Palpatine
subscribe you got too much of a mess hey
thanks thanks for watching our view
catch you next time may the force be
with Hiro
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